So Jack and I shared a bowl of popcorn for dinner last night (and, by the way, we both woke up starving this morning....do you suppose it's correlation or causation?) and it got me thinking about all the various jobs I've had, or other money-making efforts I've put forth throughout my life.
At this point you might be wondering how eating popcorn for dinner triggered memories of past employment ventures? Well, all I can say is "Good Question!" It's totally random, but this is how it all came about, if you care to hear:
First of all, by "sharing" I mean Jackson ate the actual popcorn while I spent my time picking out the partially popped kernels at the bottom of the bowl - my favorite part. Unfortunately, for me, our microwave is quite efficient, and I only found 3 or 4 perfectly "almost-popped" pieces of popcorn. This, to say the least, left me feeling hungry, disappointed, and (as I pushed the bowl away with dramatic sulk) dreaming about another time and place in my life. A time when I had access to endless quantities of those little almost-popped-yet-not-quite-popped popcorn kernels, or nubbins of pure pleasure. The time was high school, and the place was my evening job at a Movie Theater.
The Theater was a small, single-screen flash back to the 1970's - complete with floor to ceiling, mustard yellow shag carpet (or was that Kenny's VW Bus? I can remember.). Anyway, I loved working there because I basically got paid to sell a few tickets, some candy/popcorn/soda, and then watch free movies whenever I wanted. And best of all, there was that little kernel trap on the popcorn machine that filled up with those delicious popcorn kernels by the end of each night. And I got to enjoy their crunchy goodness by the scoopful - Yum!
So the trip down employment memory lane all started by dreaming of a time, during my formative years, eating endless supplies popcorn kernels at a movie theater. From there my thoughts eventually wandered to the many other money making avenues I've traversed throughout my life, such as: (in no particular order)
1) Cleaning of a Real Estate Office (along with my siblings): For this job I had to lower my otherwise high professional aspirations, significantly, to clean toilets and empty trash bins for cash. It was one of very few underage money acquisition options available to me, and I took what I could get at that age. I can't say I loved it.
2) Working Artist: This was a pretty lame attempt on my part to procure some quick spending cash while still limited by the above referenced lack of options offered to underagers. (On a side note, I am pretty sure it was my sister Jaime's idea. But, alas, I am the one who actually executed the scheme, so I alone live with the embarrassment.) I decided (or was advised) to make stickers and sell them door-to-door in my neighborhood. Cute, right? No. The "stickers" I made were basically crappy little picture/doodles I drew (without much effort to be honest), cut out, and (for the "stick" part of "sticker") attached a piece of tape to the back of each. I stuck these little scraps-of-paper onto a display board and walked around the neighborhood selling them for 10 - 25 cents apiece (depending on size). *This job lasted ONE (1)day.
3) PAPER GIRL: Ahh, the dreaded paper route, where I had to get up ridiculously early EVERY SINGLE DAY (EVEN-ON-WEEKENDS-HOLIDAYS-SUMMER-BREAKS-AND-ALL-OTHER-SCHOOL-VACATIONS)!!! To add to the misery, I then had to go around the neighborhood to collect (aka beg for) my paycheck. Most of the time people either weren't home, didn't have cash/check, or they simply asked me to "come back later" b/c "it's not a good time." (How dare I interrupt their dinner?) This always conveniently worked in their favor (and I'd bet significant sums of money most of them knew it) b/c after awhile I'd eventually give up and they would end up with months worth of complimentary daily papers - on me, a broke 10 year kid.
*I'm not sure why it never occurred to me to just stop delivering papers to these reprobates (no decent person regularly rips off kids trying to make a decent living? Or consistently forces them to work 2x, 3x, even 4+x harder than needed to get their already hard earned paycheck!)...or at the very least I should have added a service charge for each time I had to come back to collect, plus interest on the amount owed, & maybe charge a little overhead fee for the reminders I had to create, on paper I had to buy, and the extra time it took to attach them to their respective morning papers, etc. I was such a sucker, and obviously lacked any sense of business acumen!
4) Bag Boy (or girl). It was pretty much everything one imagines it will be:
"Paper or plastic?"
"Would you like help out with that sir?" (b/c a scrawny little 13 year-old pretending to be a 15 year-old can help lift that 50lb bag of dog food if you'd like.)
"Pardon me, but your kid just threw a carton of eggs out of your cart...see them, yeah right there on the floor? Oh, those are the marks from the wheels on your cart...yeah probably made as you passed over the broken eggs multiple times without noticing them? Would you like me to go grab you another carton before I clean up your mess?"
5) Fast Food Mexican Restaurant: Good food! Didn't mind making it. Loved eating it. Hated smelling like it...made after work plans on Friday nights near impossible.
6) Live Theater: I was an Usher...though really I think it was a useless job. I mean who can't look on their ticket stub and find their own seat? Anyway, I wasn't in the job to feel (or be) useful, I just wanted the free theater tickets (and any extra cash I could come across while a "poor" college student didn't hurt either). *While at the theater I also landed a small role in a play one year...as an usher, a really annoying usher! I did have lines though, so I felt pretty cool.
7) Nursing Home: At one point in my life I contemplated becoming a nurse (you know the whole, should I follow in my big sister's footsteps thing), so I decided to become a Certified Nurse's Assistant (CNA) first, to see if I could/should/or even wanted to become a nurse. As a CNA I worked in an Assisted Living/Nursing-Home/Rehabilitation-Center agglomerate. I learned quickly that no matter what I decided to become when I grew up, I was not going to be ANYTHING in an old folks home. Not that I didn't like the people (I had some definite favorites...especially in the Alzheimer's unit), but in general it was just too sad for me to handle. *Ultimately, I decided not to pursue a career in nursing - though the decision had nothing to do with this experience.
8) Yet Another Grocery Store: This time as a checker, a sometimes stocker, receiver and orderer, and eventually a bookkeeper. I wasn't in love (or even in like) with this job, but at the time the benefits were hard to beat (especially since I was still in college) and greatly needed.
9) The Restaurant: I was a hostess - and the job description basically consisted of greeting & smiling coquettishly at customers, seating them, and getting their drinks started. We had to wear these little black cocktail dresses and stilettos every night. The dresses were actually not too bad, and I have to admit they were understandable uniforms considering the job description and venue - but painful by the end of the night.
10) The Office: I was the Office Manager and did a little bit of many things. That doesn't quite capture the essence of the job...but all I'm going to say is that it was short-lived and related to "summer sales" (if you don't know what I'm referring to, don't worry, I didn't have a clue going into it either).
11) The Hotel: Concierge. This was a fun job....for many reasons, but my favorite part was when I was forced to man the VIP lounge. I would consistently serve more than the allotted "free drinks" b/c the VIPs (even the infamously cheap ones) always eventually tipped generously - those were good nights (cash-wise). My least favorite part was being forced to listen (with feigned interest) as various people, who fully believed they were better than me b/c they have more money, talked/bragged about their money and accomplishments.Booooooo-or-ing!
12) The Opinion Surveys: My sibs and I all participated in some survey/test thing related to (I think) the foster child we had in our home for awhile. As a result (again, I think) our names ended up on some list, and we'd get calls to do taste tests and then give our opinions for cash. We talk about everything from what the product tastes like to what we thought about potential names, etc. I went a few times, and really enjoyed it (btw: they also fed you a decent spread before the actual taste test, which I also enjoyed). *This particular experience was very near and dear to my heart, b/c it is the one job I've held that fully aligns with my all time employment dreams: getting paid to give my opinion.
13) The Baby Sitter: This was one of my least favorite jobs as a youth. You see I like kids, and I like playing with kids, but I really don't like being in charge of kids...even for a limited duration. I'd rather have their parents around for if/when "no" needs to be said...& the parents get to say it - not me! Also, who really likes changing diapers, wiping snotty noses, and cleaning sticky hands? (Even if their your own children?)
14) The Envelope Stuffer: I think I got paid a portion of a cent per envelope...I can't remember the details (there's a lot I can't quite remember it seems), but I do remember the paper cuts.
15) The Baker: My sister and I, and possibly a few friends or other siblings decided to have a bake sale. I think we may have tried a lemonade stand first, but I'm not sure we sold much. This was worse. We managed to sell a lot, and felt really good about our efforts, but I think we ended up in the red. Too bad, we worked hard on this one!
16) The Pet Feeder: Dogs, cats, a couple of parrots and a ferret.("This is a ferret. What's a ferret? That's a ferret. Oh!" - What Movie?)
*With the parrots I made the mistake of letting one out to play...not good. 4 hours later my mom finally came looking for me, and it took another hour for the two of us to get that dirty bird back in its cage!
*The ferret was just gross, in general. Also, Ferret's have freakishly long mid-sections, which really weirds me out for some reason.
17) The House Sitter...I've learned that unless you have a luxury home, complete with pool room, movie theater, and ocean views, etc. I'm not interested. (It takes a lot to keep me from my own bed.)
18) Current Employment: 1) Special Purpose Government employee and 2) Mom. The first job I can't really mock, praise or otherwise comment on, as I'd like to keep it....and you know what they say about people getting fired for things they say on-line. (One can never be too careful these days.) As for the second job, well, I have far too much to say about it, my opinions and final judgements are ever changing, and this post is already too long, so I'll spare you all my self-righteous, hypocritical opinions on motherhood. (Instead, I'll save those for my future daughter-in-law)!
Well that seems to be about it (or at least that's all I can recall)...for now.
(I estimate you'll be hearing from me again in approximately 4 months.)
